Tall tail tales
by Iamawesomedogtoo
Summary: Well duh, the title sounds like someone on marijuina made it. What else do you think these characters are doing? Crazy adventures, possible romance, and a twinge of tragedy and angst. These tall tail tales are tales you'll never forget and the fun won't end anytime soon.
1. Broken record

Pairings: anyone x anyone (anonymous)

Rated: k

Genre: angst, comfort

It was a bit sad that day. Sad as is, she didn't have much to cry. It was her best friend's life. Surely, she'd see him at school. Atleast she hoped.

Ignored. She was ignored. Her other friends were with her, but she didn't cry, for them. She had to be strong. Ring ring. She had her friend back!

It has been going on for days. The calls, friends, not friends, like a broken record. Maybe her life was a broken record. She wanted life to go back to normal, or, since now is her normal life, back to before. What had she done wrong?

He held the phone in his hand and squeezed it. He didn't want to do this, but he had no choice. He wanted life to go back to the time before, but he had to protect her. If only he could tell her.

More days of this endless cycle. It was painful and tortuous, but he had faith in his friend. After all, if he was in the same situation, he would always be her friend again. He wonders why. Maybe because of the fun and adventures they have had or yet to have. Maybe it could be something more.

Today hit him like a blow to the chest. It was she who called, and the consequences finally caught up with him. He guessed her friends found out, and they are an overprotective bunch. Was it because of her impatience? Was it because he didn't mean as much to her as she meant to him? That hurt. Maybe she'll just go back to being friends and make this a lesson.

Finally, he was free. The danger had passed, and now he was free from the burden. She was safe. Safe at last. When he checked his phone, there were no calls or messages. He wanted to hear her sweet voice again. He'd been ignored for so long. Blocked. He couldn't call her. What had he done?

He'll find her. He'll tell her. He walked by the halls. Where was she? There! She was there! He ran to her like she would dissapear if he didn't come to her in a second, but he stopped. There she was, with her friends, and someone else. They were holding hands. This wasn't right. It felt wrong. Was he replaced? He had a feeling this was not a friend, rather something more. No, this was wrong. He clenched his fist. Those friends of her were laughing, talking, smiling as if it wasn't the end of the world. "I'm so glad you aren't friends with that jerk anymore. Your boyfriend is amazing!" He walked up to the table and punched him on the face. Screaming. Chaos. He didn't care as his body moved on it's own. Sure, he may have broken bonds. He may have broken trusts. But he refused to break his life. It was anything but a broken record. He'll make sure of that.

She was so happy without him in her life. So happy to shut him out. She was over him. Theese were the best days of her life. Then he came back to ruin it all. She lay in the middle of the destruction as she saw him. Thats when she noticed something: jealousy. Why would he be jealous? An arm grabbed her as she came face to face with him. She refused to move from her spot, but she could see it in his eyes: that unrelenting determination. Why does he only want to make her life a misery? She didn't want to be stuck in the endless cycle. She moved on and wouldn't go back. Yet a small part of her, yet the tiniest bit, despite all the hardships, despite all the the obviousnes, despite all the rest that is against it, stands out and says that maybe, just maybe, he's here to fix that broken record. She won't know until she see's it for herself.


	2. Lucy harem, Lucy everyone!

Pairings: one sided Lucy x everyone

Rated: k

Genre: Humor, Romance

Lucy woke up. "What a sunny day!" She didn't know the horror that awaited her. The rich girl walked out of her bed, where Aries attended her. "Sorry if I did it incorrectly." Lucy sobbed. "You sound so sad. Aries sobbed. "I made you cry." In midst of all the sobbing, Loke walked up to Lucy. "I've always had a crush on you. Be my girl?" Lucy thought about it for a minute before she ran out because she was late. "Hey Lucy, can I date you?" Asked Gray. Lucy ran past him. When she reached school, she spoke to her best friend. "Natsu! Everyone has a crush on me." "I do too." Natsu said as he clenched his fist. Lucy ran away in fear. After all, you would be scared if everyone had a crush on you. She bumped into Jellal. "Oh, uh hi Lucy. I kind of have a crush on you." Lucy ran again. She started sobbing. "Why does everyone like me?" "Gihi. Why ya crying, bunny girl? If it helps ys better, I'll admit I like ya!" Lucy shrieked and ran off again. "Was it something I said?" Gajeel wondered. Panting, and with a heavy heart, Lucy ran to Fairy Hills. Girls can't have a crush on other girls, right? When she ran to Fairy Hills, Erza and Juvia were fighting. "Lucy is Juvia's!" "Lucy is mine!" She ran to the top of mount Everest with a microphone. "Stop your cruel joke!" She yelled. "What joke?" Everyone asked. "The one where you all pretend to like me." Everyone giggled nervously. "Ha ha, yeah, that totally was a joke." Lucy sighed in relief. Good thing her life was back to perfect. Too bad 9 years later, everyone thought they stood a chance with her and the same thing happened again.


	3. What death is

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

Lucy knew what death is. She faces it everyday. She knew all the ways someone could die. Or she thought she did. Lucy thought she would die old, or on a dangerous (or any) mission. What she didn't expect was for one of her best friends to kill her.

Lucy walked in as Natsu ate the last strawberry cupcake she had in her fridge. Those cupcakes were life it self. They were the reason to live, to taste the wonderful flavors blended together to form the lucious delicous flavor known to humans as the most delicious thing in the world.

Lucy sulked in a corner. "How could you!" She whispered hoarsly. "What's the matter, Luce?" He asked. Erza broke the door open and came in waving a sword. "How dare you! You ate the second best food in the world in front of her and then asked what's wrong!" She waved her sword and attacked him, sending him flying out the window as she caught what was left of the cupcake. "I have avenged you." Erza said as she handed Lucy the cupcake remnants. Lucy happily ate it, not caring for the fact that Natsu was eating it a few seconds ago.

"So, another one becomes insane." Gray said as he saw Natsu fly across the sky to who knows where. "Now, all that's left is Wendy and me." "We're members of the team too!" Carla said pointing to her and Happy. "I never said you weren't."


	4. Enter title

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

Lucy ran into the guild in excitement. "Hey, guys! Someone mailed me this thing. Come check it out!" And so, they did. "Wow Lu chan, this is some presentation thing!" Levy said. "'Enter title.' Let's give it a test run!" Lucy declared. Natsu immediately got the device. "Let's call it 'the awesome Natsu dragon.'" After he pressed the enter button, everyone watched in awe as he turned into a dragon. "When did I get so tall?" He asked, oblivious to the situation. 'Lucy Heartfilia the princess' Lucy typed. Her clothes changed into a gown and her hair was let down. 'Erza the knight' Erzs typed. She looked thr same. "Oh, what have I done to deserve this?" She yelled at the sky. Everyone decided not to mention that Erza was already in armor. 'Levy and a pile of books she hasn't read.' Levy was surrounded by books, so she immediately started reading. 'Juvia and Gray samas!' Juvia was surrounded by hundreds of tiny Grays. "That's just creepy." Gray muttered as he watched her hug the Grays. 'Gray beats Natsu.' Natsu lay face first into the ground in defeat. 'Natsu beats Gray, Erza, Laxus, Gildarts, Mirajane, Zeref, Mystgun, and Ichiya.' Gildarts, Zeref, Mystgun, and Ichiya never knew what hit them. All they saw was a flash of pink hair. 'Max beats everyone.' Well, you know what happens. 'Except Lucy because Natsu swore to protect her.' 'Lucy challenges Natsu to a fight because she thinks he is babying her, and he accepts.' 'No he does not, he refuses.' 'Juvia gets more Gray samas.' 'Frosch thinks so too.' Everyone paused and looked around. Since when did Frosch get here? As if reading their minds, Frosch said "Frosch never was here." Everyone fearfully shuddered. "Guys, I think we should go back to normal and destroy this thing." Lucy said. "Why?" Natsu asked. "Well, if Macao and Wakaba get a hold of this..." the females in the guild shuddered. "Juvia will do it!" Juvia said. 'Everyone goes back to their regular selves except for Juvia, who gets more Gray samas.' 'And Levy, who gets more books.' Levy added. After that, Lucy kicked the device like she has never kicked before. Natsu wondered if he'd be on the recieving end of the same thing one day. "Lu chan, I didn't know you kick like that!" But Natsu did. Juvia shoved all the Grays in a sack. When Gray came in Juvia's room, he was suspicous of all the Gray 'dolls.' When he asked where the Grays were and she wouldn't answer, he feared the worst.


	5. Cleaning day

Pairings: Max × broom, Natsu × Lucy Gray × Juvia

Rating: k+

Genre: Humor

Mirajane was blissfully wiping the counter when she got a brilliant idea. Being the she-devil demonic matchmaker that she is, her ideas were a little crazy. "Natsu! Gray! I know the perfect way to decide who's better." Immediately, the two stopped fighting. "Come over here for details." So they did. "Let's see who's the best kisser!" She said. Juvia spat out her drink. "No one's kissing Gray except Juvia!" "Mira, is this some matchmaker plan of yours?" Gray asked. "So you're admitting loss, eh Gray?" Mira said. "I'm better than ice freak!" Natsu cheered. "I never said I wasn't competing, idiot." Gray said. Mira smiled innocently. "Juvia, come over here!" Juvia stuttered. Gray walked up to her and pulled her in for a kiss. After a minute of making out, Juvia passed out as Gray held her in his arms. The guild stared in shock and then wondered why they were shocked. "Oi! Lucy, come over here!" Lucy didn't budge from her position of talking with Levy. "So, I decided it would be better if Avanti died, since she was the one just introduced in the novel." Levy nodded. "But I think Avanti should live. She's important as the commander of the Graylu army. If the Nalu side were to win, commander Anika and co commander Zara should have a peaceful approach. Besides, there will be more Nalus. Poor Anika, having to fight against her best friend, co commander Jacuzzi, in the war. If only they both weren't so stubborn about their sides." "Luce!" Natsu yelled. He was ignored. "Why don't you go kiss someone else?" Gray asked. "I only wanna kiss Luce!" He yelled. "Looks like Natsu lost. He and Lucy have to clean the guild." Mira said. "Why me?" Lucy asked. "Because you're his partner, silly!" Mira said. At 3:00. "What is Max doing here?" Lucy asked. "Dunno." Natsu replied. Then they saw some things they didn't WANT to see. "Oh my gosh! Who make out with a broom?!" Lucy yelled. "Thanks to you, we have a lot more to clean up!" Natsu complained. Lucy didn't want to go anywhere near the guild hall, so she did the only option. "Hey, Mira, I'm bringing Natsu over!" Mira kept squealing until she passed out. Guild hall: six o clock. "Nevermind Gray, Natsu wins. Something happened last night." Gray didn't want to know. Lucy burst the door open. "Hey guys, me and Natsu are engaged." The guild had reason to be shocked. Their favorite celestial mage had gone to the dark side.


	6. The fancy guild

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

As Ichiya sat there at the blue pegasus guild, he wondered something. "Men~ why aren't there a lot of Blue Pegasus fanfictions?" Hibiki, Ren, and Eve stopped what they were doing and motioned for Nichiya to do the same. "Maybe because our guild isn't as exciting?" Hibiki offered. "Well, dearies, let's make our guild exciting!" Bob said. "First, we need to get new members, not that I care." Ren suggested. Somewhere at the Onibas station. "I have no idea what I'm doing at the Onibas station. Probably just here for the sake of this fanfiction." Bora said. A sack was suddenly thrown on his head. "Mmph thwa fug?" He said before passing out. Blue Pegasus guild hall. "Wow! Would you look at how many new members we have?" Eve asked. They pulled off all the sacks. "No problem!" Nichiya said. The members consisted of Bora, Sol, Rustrose, Sugarboy (Edolas, somehow), Princess Hisui, Mard Geer (they fixed the book and ressuructed him), and Brandish. "Welcome to Blue Pegasus, new members!" Hibiki exclaimed. They all got the emblem. Bora sighed in relief. "I thought I was getting kidnapped." "Trust me, we all did." Princess Hisui said. "You know, I always had a curiosity in this human guild, Blue Pegasus." Mard said. "So did I, but I was stuck in Edolas." Sugarboy said. "I didn't know where it was." Brandish stated flatly. "My dad wouldn't let me!" Hisui complained. "I was too busy with Grimoire Heart that I didn't notice the true beauty of life: Blue Pegasus." Rusty exclaimed. "Si, same for me." Sol said. "I thought they wouldn't accept me." Bora said. "Yay, now the guild's exciting!" Eve yelled. Rusty, Sugarboy, Sol, Mard, and Bora formed a team, became S class, and went on a century quest. Hisui went back to princess duties, and Brandish went to Alvarez, but they were always a part of Blue Pegasus. Only Laxus knows, though. And Blue Pegasus.


	7. Blockbuster premiere

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: humor

Wally didn't want to. Curse Sho for being such a baby. So uncool. All Sho wanted to do was see the latest block buster premiere, the very thing Wally's afraid of. He knows it's cursed. Last time, they were stuck in a tower for years. "Please! Can we go?" Sho asked. Wally clutched a bed post, shuddering in fear at the thought. "No!" When Sho saw that there was 10 minutes left, he was desperate. He put Wally in a card and ran there. "It's not so bad." Sho said as he let Wally out of the card and watched the stage. Wally shivered. A man with a gun came out. Like, an actual guy with an actual fire arm. "Who wants to see me bust some blocks?" He yelled. Most of the crowd cheered. "I thought this was a movie!" Sho exclaimed. "You, there!" The guy pointed at Wally. "Fight me!" Wally ewas forced into the stage. "You are a block, aren't you?" Before anyone xxould do anything, Wally pulled out a gun and shot everywhere without looking. When he opened his eyes, he saw the whole place covered in blood. Sho was the only one that lived. "I am never going to a block buster premiere again!" Both Sho and Wally now have a fear of Blockbuster premieres. When Milliana went to visit the from Mermaid Heel and suggested they see a block buster premiere, both boys ran away shrieking at the top of their lungs. Milliana wondered what she ever did wrong.


	8. An interesting predicament

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

Gray and Lyon were facing off against Invel. "You're going down!"Gray yelled. "Foolish, thinking that. I could easily finish you off with the purest of ice magic!" Invel retorted. "Ur taught us, and we will not let her lessons go to waste!" Lyon responded. Then, Invel realized something. "Why are you both naked?" "Gah!" Both looked down to see that they subconsciously stripped. "Where are my clothes?!" Both yelled at the same time. "Forget that. I'm an ice mage too! Why don't I subconsciously strip?" Invel asked. Juvia, who was only in her underwear, popped up. "Well, Gray sama and Lyon kun got it from Ur chan, and Juvia got it from Gray sama. Would Invel san like to learn how to get a stripping habit too?" Juvia asked. "Yes please." Invel said. 1 day later. "Invel doesn't strip as much as the rest of us, but Juvia is sure Invel will learn how to soon enough!" Juvia encouraged. Invel was sulking in a corner. "I'm a failure!" When Zeref declared a break time in the middle of the war and decided to invite the ice mages and Juvia over for coffee, he shrieked in horror as he saw all his guest were naked. It didn't help that all of them needed to scratch their backs.


	9. Over clichefied

Pairings: find out!

Rating: k

Genre: Humor, parody

The Lucy leaves cliche:

"You're heavy!" Natsu said. Lucy ran to the master's office. "I'm leaving The guild!" Master Makarov walked up to Natsu with tears in his eyes. "Do you know what you've done?" He cried. "Was it something I said?" Natsu asked. "Because of you, Lucy left the guild!" Everyone cried. 5 minutes later. Lucy came back into the guild. "Forgot my lip gloss." She muttered. "Lushi!" Everyone in the guild hugged her. "Daf*q?" She asked. Poor Lucy only wanted to go to a weight loss program.

The chaos dragon slayer cliche:

"So, you see, you're actually the chaos dragon slayer." Acnologia explained. "Uh." Natsu blinked. "You're supposed to start a harem, be intelligent, and act bad*ss!" Acnologia yelled. "I'm sorry, what?" Natsu asked for the 50th time that day.

Lucy gets shipped with everyone:

"Sup Luce!" Natsu said. "Sup Luce!" Cobra said. "Sup Luce!" Sting said. "Sup Luce!" Rogue said. "Sup Luce!" Loke said. "Sup Luce!" Laxus said. "Will you all just get out of my apartment?!" Lucy yelled.

Cats cliche:

Where did all these stupid stray kittens come from?" Lucy yelled. Erza sneezed. "I'm allergic to cats." "You're not allergic to Charles." Wendy pointed out. "Those are exceeds." Erza explained. The cats shook their heads. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. They were supposed to get adopted by their one true love and turn back into a human and live happily ever after. Mira just smirked behind the counter.

The other cats cliche:

Happy looked at a glowing piece of salmon. "I wish Natsu and Lucy would turn into cats!" He wished upon the salmon. "Like that's ever going to happen." Natsu muttered. The next day. When Natsu woke up, he was in a blanket in the middle of the guild next to a golden cat. "Why is everything so tall?" The golden cat got up. "Why are you a cat?" "You are too!" Natsu yelled. "Aww, cute little kitties!" Levy exclaimed. What Levy sees: "meow! Nya!" The kittens yelled. They playfully rolled into a ball. They then proceeded to wipe each others faces. The cats high fived. What's really happening: "This is your fault!" Both cats yelled at each other. They kept throwing punches at one another. That is, until they accidentally kissed and turned back into humans. "Glad that's over." Lucy sighed. She didn't notice the whole guild was staring.

The worst fanfiction ever cliche:

"I may not know who you are, but you are the love of my life, Jimmy!" Lucy cried. "Oh, harem number 91, sorry it must end this way." Natsu said. "The strip club denied my access!" Gray yelled. "They said I strip too much." "You must die, OC number 8, for besmirching OC number 7's virtue!" Erza yelled. "Everyone forgot me." Happy sobbed. "There, there, I know how you feel." Wendy placed a reassuring hand on Happy's back. "These fanfictions are getting crazy." Charles muttered.

Facebook cliche:

Mira: Guys, stop sacrificing Freed to the cox company because he tripped over the wireless line!

Everyone Else: NEVER!

Freed: Help!

A/N cliche:

Lucy: how did we get stuck in an author's note?

Natsu: Iamawesomedog does not own Fairy Tail. Hiro Mashima does.

Lucy: are you even listening?

Fairy Tail reads Fanfiction:

After this incident, all members of fairy tail have been scarred for life.


	10. Landscape

Pairings: none

Rating: k+

Genre: Humor

"Go to hell, Reedus!" Freed yelled. When Freed acts ungentlemanly, something is wrong. "Well, one of the clients requested it. I don't think they realized you were a boy." Reedus said. Freed paled. "I think he needs to go to therapy." Gray muttered. In therapy. "They thought I was a girl." Freed cried. "You too, buddy?" Rufus and Rogue asked at the same time. "Thats why I got all these piercings. But I had to go to therapy anyways." Gajeel grunted. 5 days later. "We're the therapy buddies, we're the therapy buddies!" The four sang. "Why did you get here anyways?" Rufus asked. "Reedus painted a picture of me in the shower. It is as if he had a camera on me." Freed replied. And indeed he had. One watching Freed's every action. And the rest of the world's. Yes, Reedus knows about Earth. He knows it's far, far away. But that won't stop him. After all, he did take over Edolas. Illuminati confirmed.

/\

/ ¤ \

/_\

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(Reedus's first painting.)


	11. It had to end this way

Pairings: Natsu × Lucy, Gajeel × Levy Zeref × Mavis

Rating: k

Genre: tragedy

This wasn't how it was supposed to end. It was supposed to end in happiness and smiles. No matter how hard the situation was, they always pulled through. Sure a few tears were shed, but they always had each other. The whole guild survived together. They may lose some loved ones, like Aquarius, Igneel, and Silver. But they'd get over it. There is always hope in the future. Never did they lose one of their own. Until now. Lucy, Levy, Natsu, and Gajeel were fighting against Irene. They couldn't let her reach Erza. How cruel and heartless would a person be to kill their own daughter? "We have Lumen Histiore. This war is over." Zeref said. It wasn't entirely the truth. Irene could tell. "You still love her, don't you?" Irene asked. "Has the emperor gone soft?" Zeref paused. "This war has to end now. We accomplished what we came for." Zeref bluntly stated. "You didn't absorb all of it because you feared for her life, didn't you?" Irene said. "Is it true?" Lucy asked. "This war is over." Zeref yelled. Irene pulled out the book of END and stabbed it. She then closed it. "Now it's over." The rest of them watched in shock as they saw Natsu topple over and get absorbed by the book. "I would have told everyone, but after." He whispered. Soon, there was no Natsu. Just a book. The forces of Alvarez retreated as Lucy sat there weeping in front of the book. Gajeel and Levy hugged each other for support. Gray ran over to the location. "Do you have the book?" He asked. Lucy held it close and wouldn't let it go. "Why should you care?" She asked venomously. "I made a promise to my father on his last breathe." He said. "Would you kill him if he was your best friend? Would you kill him if he was innocent? Tell me Gray, would you?" Lucy yelled. "I told my dad I'd kill him no matter what. I made a promise, and I intend to keep it." Gray said. "That's obviously sa-" "Don't tell him!" Lucy cut Gajeel off. "Devil slaying magic consumes the light in someone's heart and replaces it with darkness. I have a feeling this is the final blow." "Just give me the book." Gray said. "Some promises were meant to be broken." Lucy ran away into the darkness as Levy cried for the loss of two of her friends in one day. As Lucy clutched the book tightly, she whispered something. "You were always loved. Remember that." Lucy might have imagined it, but she swore she saw the book set on fire for a few seconds. It had to end this way.


	12. Lucy and Levy watch tv 1

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

'You may think pokemon are innocent virtual characters. You're wrong. They are messed up in the head creatures who need therapy and are actually pretending to be innocent to get free stuff. Don't believe me? Well then, see this video tape for yourselves. (The pokemon are taking drugs while Anaconda plays in the background.) "Char f*cking mander, char f*cking, char!" A Charmander yelled. "Wy f*cking naught." A Wynaught said. Behind them, a Skitty and a Wailord were, um, breeding. Apparently, they had protection of that size. A Pikachu stuck out it's middle finger. "Pi f*cking ka." Now do you believe us?' Lucy shut off the tv. "Lu chan?" Levy asked slowly. "Yes Levy chan?" "What have we become?" Lucy, in all honesty, couldn't answer that. She didn't trust herself to speak.


	13. The gift

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

/ ||||||| \ / ||||||||| \

/ ||||||| \ / ||||||||| \

drawing- \ /

\\_/

"I made a present for Lushi~!" Happy said. Everyone quickly put on contact lenses, the older members explaining to the newer ones that it protects the eye from Happy's creation. They managed to slip on the lenses without Happy noticing. "Mira, what do you think of my drawing?" Happy asked. "My, you did a wonderful job." Mira said. "What about you, Levy?" "Lu chan will love it!" Both girls were thinking the same thing: we must warn her. Meanwhile, Lucy was taking a bath at her apartment on Strawberry Street. She heard a clash in the window "Lu chan. Psst. Lu chan." She didn't hear Levy's whispering. She didn't see the warning Mira wrote on the bathroom window. Happy placed the box gently on the desk. Levy and Mira, both of whom were trying to warn her, quickly hid when they saw Happy. Unfortunately, they toppled over and fell on a tree with super sticky sap and were stuck. Lucy hummed as she came out the bathroom. She saw a messy box and messy handwriting. It said 'to Lushi. From Happy.' She smiled and opened the box. And then the horror began. "My eyes!" Lucy had a seizure. 5 hours later. Lucy still hadn't moved from her seizure. "Help!" Mira and Levy cried. They were still stuck to the tree. Natsu, oblivious to the situation, continued to raid the fridge. After all, he had been doing that for the past 6 hours. Why stop now? When Happy came in, he saw a passed out Lucy. Finally, he looked at his own drawing. And fainted. That is why, every time Happy makes something, the Fairy Tail guild tells the director to stop the roll, all puts on contact lenses, puts one on the camera, and then tells them to continue.


	14. Mystical

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

Trolled


	15. Lucy and Levy watch tv 2

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

"Lu chan, I can't believe they didn't continue the book!" Levy complained. Lucy smirked. "That's because, Levy chan, they made it a movie. And it's on air in 5 minutes." "Oooh, can I see it?" Levy asked. "Ya." At Lucy's apartment. 'Nalu vs Graylu, ultimate shipping war.' "Do you know what shipping is? Or Nalu? Or Graylu?" Levy shook her head. 'Which one will win? Nalu or Graylu? Or will Sticy take the lead? Far, far away, in the country of America, there was Anika. She was playing with her best friend, Jacuzzi. "Anika! Come inside!" Her mother called. So, she did. "This is your neice, Zara!" Zara waved. "Hello! I'm Anika and this is my friend Jacuzzi! This is my sister, Avanti!" Anika said. The days quickly passed, and the four became close friends, until one day, they had to go their seperate ways. "Let's all pinky promise something." Zara said. "Grown up girls don't pinky promise." Avanti said. "We still have a lot to live and learn about. There lies a world to explore. You can tell all you want that you're grown up, but you always have space to grow more." Anika lectured. "Anyways, let's pinky promise that if we ever meet again, we will remain friends. We won't hurt each other. Pinky promise?" "Pinky promise!" Why did they get the feeling that the promise would be broken? 7 years later. "So we meet." Both sides said. "After a gaint fist fight. "We surrender!" Meanwhile, the Sticy army. "Man~!" Ichiya, the only member said. "I surrender!"' The girls cried. "That was the most dramatic story ever!"


	16. Demon from strawberry street

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

There was a demon from strawberry street. Her name was Lucy's landlady. Few have seen her and lived. Lucy was one of those few. Lucy was her apprentice, even though Lucy didn't know it. Every time Lucy has to pay rent, she becomes more like the land lady. The changes aren't noticeable at first. Just small. Then, slowly yet surely, they happen. Over time, Lucy becomes just like her landlady. They aren't exactly alike, though. Yet. Natsu knows. He mistaked the landlady for Lucy, once. Afterwards, he watched as Lucy slowly changed into the landlady, unable to do anything about it. It haunts him at night. He noticed how Lucy became heavier. When future Lucy came, she felt different. She felt free from the demonic grasp of the landlady. It was too good to be true. It happened in a future with many deaths. Maybe that changed her. But that can't happen. Natsu couldn't tell her because the landlady blackmailed him, so he dropped little hints. He told Capricorn. The landlady cast a spell on Lucy so she would take it as an insult. He would raid her fridge, trying to throw away the poisoned food in there. He warned Happy. He went away for training for a year to defeat the landlady and gave her sweets that held the antidote. Unfortunately, he still couldn't defeat the landlady. Someone stroked his hair. "Natsu, wake up!" Lucy said. He can still save her right? Natsu noticed the demon from strawberry street looking at him. 'Just try and stop me.' She smirked.


	17. Jerza tail

Pairings: you already know

Rating: k

Genre: Humor, Romance

That morning, Juvia got up. She was happily strutting down the hallway when she bumped into the most beautiful student ever. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bump into you." Erza said. It was love at first sight. "Juvia is sorry." Juvia said. "Omg." She heard Lucy say behind her. "I think I'm in love!" Juvia followed Lucy's eyes to Erza. "Love rival!" Juvia shrieked. "Juvia, I have no interest in Gray." Lucy explained. "Juvia never said Juvia loved Gray!" Juvia yelled. Gray looked visibly hurt. Erza was in a corner, fiddling with her hair. "Who do you love?" Erza asked. "You!" Juvia said. "Do you really mean that?" Erza sked happily. Gray and Jellal watched the scene unfold with nosebleeds. "I know!" Natsu said. "Me and Lucy could date! And Erza and Jellal could date! And Gray and Juvia can date! And Erza could be Lucy and Juvia's harem. Gray and Jellal can be each other's harem. In the end, everyone can be in a harem with each other except for me!"' Natsu snapped out of his imagination when he saw Lucy standing behind him. "Oh, I am going to kill you for dreaming that up." She said in a low voice. Natsu's shrieks decorated the night.


	18. Frosch's business

Pairings: Gajeel × Levy, Erza × Jellal, Wendy × Romeo, Zeref × Mavis, Sting × Yukino, Frosch × harem

Rating: m

Genre: Humor

Welcome to doing the dirty with Frosch, an association that helps you f*ck in public! Frosch can turn you from shy little guy to a scoring wh*re! Now, you can f*ck any time, any place! Don't believe us? Let's hear from our clients! Levy: I was a totally innocent, until Frosch taught me how to use my stuff. Now, I can show it off to Gajeel without any shame!

Gajeel: thanks to Frosch, Levy can see where else I place my iron!

Want to hear from more customers?

Erza: a warrior must do what a warrior must do, and Frosch was my trainer. I await my future babies with Jellal.

Jellal: I wanted to attone in my life. Now I realize the only thing I had to attone for was not f*cking Erza sooner. All thanks to Frosch for making me realize.

Let's hear from some of our younger customers.

Wendy: thank you Frosch, for helping me see the light! I don't have a shred of innocence left in me.

Romeo: I joined Wendy's harem after Frosch led me.

Or some of our older ones.

Mavis: Zeref doesn't need to be a good kisser! He could be a good f*cker!

Zeref: Frosch helped me vent out my pent up darkness.

Anyone can learn how to f*ck with Frosch. Frosch has no gender after all. Call 504 335 8091. Or go to .com. our current customers are Sting and Yukino. Not responsible for any diseases this program will cause you. If you have anything against the program, you have Frosch to answer to. Rogue turned off the lacrima screen. "Frosch!" When he turned around, he saw things he did not want to see. "How does someone f*ck like that?"


	19. Lucy and Levy watch tv 3

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

Levy and Lucy grabbed a bucket of popcorn. "I heard this was supposed to be the best tv series ever." Levy said. "Me too! Everyone kept talking about how it was." Lucy replied. Any minute now. The girl turned on the show. "Oh no. We're too late. We came in the middle of the show." Levy said. "Let's watch the rest." Lucy suggested. ' ladi lada, ladi lada, elmo's world. Ladi lada, ladi lada, elmo's world. It's Elmo's world!' Both girls hugged each other in fear. "They never told us it's a horror movie!" Lucy cried. Levy quickly tried to turn it off only to accidentally break the remote. When the girls tried to run, they realized they were stuck to the sofa. '"That's not how you use the glue, Mr Noodles. This is." Elmo said, coming closer to the screen.' 5 hrs later. Natsu came in through the window. "Hey Luce!" Lucy shrieked. He then noticed that she and Levy were on the coach in awkward positions. Natsu shrugged as he went to go raid the fridge. Meannwhile, Levy and Lucy tried to remove the glue. Elmo will haunt their nightmares forevermore.


	20. Reaper repercussions

Pairings: none

Rating: k+

Genre: Humor

The streets of Magnolia were filled with silence as the man in the cape walked. Only few knew how his face looks like. Only few. people slowly started to fall asleep around him as whispering could be heard. "The grim reaper has come to claim our souls." The hooded figure ignored them and walked toward his destination: Fairy Tail. Suddenly, a pink haired mage came out. "You can't claim gramp's soul, or any of ours!" He yelled with his fist blazing. "Why fight me?" The man asked. Natsu turned pale. "We must all die!" He yelled picking up a knife as some of the other members tried to restrain him. The man continued to walk his merry way, as there was no use going into the Fairy Tail guild at this moment. As he walked by, he saw people shriek in fear. He turned his head around to get a full view. Suddenly, runes surrounded him, and the magic council showed up. "Grim reaper, you are hereby under arrest for-" "f*ck this!" Mystgun yelled as he ripped off his mask. "I knew I shouldn't have bought that new jacket. Of course it would rip after the fight." Lahar blinked. He then checked the lacrima screen in jail. Jellal was still there. "Aaah!" He yelled. "It's Jellal's clone!" "I swear their growing by the thousands." One of the rune knights muttered. Mystgun walked away as the magic council tried to detect all Jellal look alikes. He doubted they'll find anything. In actuality, they found 15 around the area. Meanwhile, the real grim reaper laughed from afar. "That was too hilarious!" Said Jellal.


	21. Character switch

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

What would have happened if Gajeel and Mira were the main characters of Fairy Tail? Horrors. "Daf*q am I doing looking for my dad in Hargeon?" Gajeel asked. "And why is my is flying cat in Edolas?" "Technically speaking, we're exceeds." Pantherlilly said from above. From the above. "Wait! Don't change the scene! I still have more questions!" The scene changed to Mira. She looked around. A magic shop. Mira walked out of the store. She noticed Bora, who was wearing a charm. "Everyone, he's using charm magic to trick you all!" All the hearts immediately shattered. Mira walked away as the fangirls ripped Bora to shreds. 5 minutes later, Gajeel arrived. "We want blood!" The fangirls yelled. Gajeel smirked. "Now this is my style!" He went to go beat up the remnants of Bora. Bora was never seen again, but atleast Gajeel had a souvenir. Who knew he made purple furred leather dolls and colleccted them? Gajeel's next aim is pink.


	22. Exceeding expectations

Pairings: triangle Happy × Charles × Lector

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

Charles slammed a pile of papers onto a table. "This is what we've become!" She yelled. "Why exactly did you call us for a meeting?" Pantherlilly asked. "And is it okay for some of us to be here since it's Wendy's room in the GIRL'S dormitory?" "And Frosch is neither a girl nor a boy. Frosch is a Frosch." Frosch said. Charles shrugged. "Like Happy said. We're cats, so we can get in." "They said no pets allowed." Pantherlilly said. "We're not pets! We're actual exceed individuals." Happy defended. "I thought we were cats." Lector muttered. "Man~." Nichiya said. "People have stereotypical thoughts about us. We must prove them wrong!" Charles said. "We're not stereotypical, whatever that means." Happy said. Charles cleared her throat. "This says: Happy can't last a day without fish. Pantherlilly can't last a day without kiwis. Charles can't last a day without insulting someone. Lector can't last a day without saying 'told ya so!' Frosch can't last a day without saying 'Frosch thinks so too!' Nichiya can't last a day without saying 'man~.' Lector and Happy always fight over Charles. Charles plays hard to get. Pantherlilly thinks he's the normal one. Frosch agrees with everyone. Nichiya smell everything." Charles looked up. "Charles mine!" Happy yelled with fish in his mouth. "No, she's mine! Told ya so that you can't go a day without fish!" "Stupid tom cat." Charles muttered with a light blush on her face. Nichiya was smelling the couch. "Man~! What a lovely parfum." "Frosch thinks so too!" Frosch agreed. "So I am the normal one." Pantherlilly said as he held up a kiwi. One month later. "We haven't accomplished anything!" Charles yelled. "We don't need to. We can't let what people say control our personality. Why prove them wrong when we can be ourselves?" Happy said. "Hey guys, does anyone notice Reedus outside the window?" Pantherlilly asked, interrupting the emotional moment. Frosch's eyes glowed red. "Frosch think so too." Loud shrieks could be heard from the girl's dormitory.


	23. Lucy and Levy watch tv 4

Pairings: Natsu × Lucy, Gajeel × Levy

Rating: k+

Genre: Humor

' "Oh Jimmy ! I know you can do it harder than that!"' As the girls watched the video in front of them, their faces got redder and redder. "Why are we watching this?" Lucy asked. "Because television is addicting." Levy replied. "That doesn't explain why we're subconsciously taking notes, though." Lucy said. "I don't know. It feels like something is making us do this. Or someone." Levy answered. "We haven't turned off the tv." Lucy said. "I'm trying but I just can't do it." Levy said. Meanwhile, Natsu and Gajeel watched feom a window. "Gihi." Gajeel laughed. "Don't you think it's too early for marking them?" Natsu asked. "Nothing's too early for mating season." Gajeel responded. Back to the girls. "What am I drawing?!" Lucy yelled. "Not as messed up as what I'm drawing!" Levy yelled back. "Die, paper. I will you to disappear." Lucy said. "This drawing looks familiar." Levy said. "Wait." They both looked at each other's drawings. "Gajeel and Natsu?" Levy asked. Lucy turned really red. "Oh my gosh! I'm gonna commit suicide!" She said grabbing a knife. "Let's unmark them." Natsu said. Gajeel agreed. "Finally!" The girls yelled as they could move their bodies freely again. They flipped the channel. Again. And again. "Why are all the channels dirty channels?" Lucy asked. "I didn't know Elmo and Barney did those things."


	24. Frosch and Zeref

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: humor

One day, Frosch was walking throughout the streets of where ever when Frosch bumped into someone. "Frosch thinks so too!" Frosch said before they could say anything. "So you think Alverez's invasion would be better from the north?" Zeref asked. "Frosch thinks Fairy Tail will put runes around Magnolia." "Yes, we must be strong enough to break those." Zeref said. "Frosh thinks Freed will use runes. Frosch knows Mavis will suggest a plan. Frosch also knows Natsu will fight you. Frosch has seen Natsu use magic a lot. Frosch knows he'll be injured. Frosh know horelogeum will protect Lucy, Natsu, and Happy. Horelogeum's magic makes them naked though. After that, Frosch doesn't know." Frosch said. Zeref nodded in understanding. "Would you like to be a spy for Alvarez?" Zeref asked. Frosch's smile widened. "Frosch thinks so too!"


	25. The third person club

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

"Juvia wonders if Juvia is the only one who speaks in third person." Juvia wondered out loud. "Juvia isn't the only one. Frosch does so too!" Frosch said. "So does Mard." Mard Geer said. "Juvia wonders how Mard is alive." Juvia said. "Mard doesn't know either." "Frosch thinks Frosch, Mard, and Juvia should start a third person club." "Juvia thinks that is a wonderful idea." "Mard wonders what should be done in the club first." "Juvia wants to know why more people speak in first person." "Frosch thinks about making the world a place people speak third person in." After that discussion, they set to work. Let's just say that they needed hot dogs, some duct tape, a few cats, and a metal pole to make their plan a success. The people all spoke in third person robotic voices as their eyes all glowed red. "Juvia isn't sure about this." Juvia said as she watched her friends move in robotic stances around a bonfire. Frosch was the only one seen smiling. Mard and Juvia both had a worried expression as the rest of the Fairy Tail guild looked emotionless. "Elmo speaks in third person to!"


	26. Fish on

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

(A/N: this was based on some ad I saw.) Happy was flying to Lucy's apartment. He ran out of fish. When he pooked in the fridge, however, there was no fish. Happy went to the super market. No fish. He went everywhere he could, yet there was no fish. Happy, being the bipolar cat he was, cried for five seconds before he got what he assumed was a brilliant idea. He made a fish ad. "Fish on!" Lucy said in a false over enthusiastically cheery voice. "Fish on." Carla said in a bored tone. "Fish on." Erza stuttered. "Fish on what?" Natsu asked, clearly confused. Happy face palmed. "You ruined it!" Lots of pictures of fish later. "Fish on or I'll claw your eyes out!" Happy croacked. His eyes were red. A vein appeared to be popping. Everyone in the room suddenly felt the need to fish. After all, their life did depend on it. "And worse. Much worse." So remember guys, fish on. Or else... *shudders.*


	27. Hibiki's archive problem

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

(A/N: Based on an ad called Todd's texting problems. It's really funny.)

Hibiki wore his suit and tie just for the sake of it. As he walked out the Blue Pegasus guild, he saw a girl in dire need of help. "Help! My purse was stolen." Hibiki got the purse back and handed it to her. What a nice person, Hibiki is. As Hibiki continued to walk, he noticed another girl, who accidentally spilled the contents of her purse. He helped her pick it up. Hibiki even helps people without them asking. Hibiki noticed Natsu climbing up Lucy's apartment. He used his archive cursor to drag him down. Hibiki respects the law. Hibiki got in a magic vehicle. He used his archive magic to play some games as he drove. He then noticed Bob shooting him a disapproving look. "Hibiki." Bob said. "How could you." Hibiki gulped. He crashed the vehicle and got hospitalized.


	28. Sounds

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

Lucy woke up to some noise in her apartment. "Get out!" She yelled as she kicked something. Unfortunately, it was her bed post. There was the sound of crashing. "Looks like my bed is broken." Lucy said. The sound continued. Lucy was very annoyed with it. She put on earmuffs. She hid under her covers. She even hid under a toilet (Don't ask.) "Stupid annoying sound!" She yelled as she kicked open her kitchen door. "Get out of my house!" She yelled. There was no one there. Then, Lucy saw the most horrifying sight ever. No, not that, you dirty perverts! She watched as her apartment slowly burned. "I'm gonna kill Natsu." Lucy growled. Meanwhile, Natsu wondered if he subconsciously was a masochist, whatever that means. Probably. Gray patted him on the head. "I know how you feel, buddy. I know how you feel." Natsu shuddered at the thought of the things Lucy would do to him. Not like that, diry perverts.


	29. Anger

Pairings: Romeo × Wendy × Mest

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

Lucy needed to vent out her anger. And fast. Before she went crazy. How can someone be that evil? Let us see the events that previously occurred. Wendy, Romeo, and Mest laid in the center of the guild hugging each other as they slept. Suddenly, Natsu threw a chair. "I wanna fight!" He yelled at the top of his lungs. The chair landed on Lucy, who landed on the sleeping kids/Mest. Now we have returned to the present. "I hate you, Natsu!" Lucy yelled as she kicked the floor. She pulled out a random chibi picture of Natsu, cut out his face, and then taped it to a tree. She kept kicking the tree while laughing maniacally. After a while, she stopped. "Strange. I thought that would get rid of my anger, but the only thing that it does is make me want to kick the tree even more." She shrugged and went back to kicking the tree. At this rate, someone was bound to show up. "Oh, you do that too?" Asked a voice from bebind. "I did it all the time with Gray and Erza's faces." Natsu totally ignored the fact that it was his face Lucy was kicking right now. Lucy smirked. "That's why it felt different. This was only a picture, which means I can get it all out by kicking the real deal." Natsu ran away screaming after he saw the demonic look on Lucy's face. He was soon hospitalized and sat in a bed next to Hibiki. It didn't help that Gray and Erza heard.


	30. Hospitalized

Pairings: Natsu × Lucy, Hibiki × Jenny

Rating: k

Genre: Humor, romance

As Natsu and Hibiki sat in the hospital, they contemplated their lives. "Why do I live?" Hibiki asked overdramatically. Natsu, feeling the need to answer, said "I don't know, dude." That hit Hibiki big time. "Huh, so I live for no reason?" He asked. "I never said that." Natsu said. "You have visitors!" The nurse yelled. Natsu wondered if Erza had come for round 2. Hibiki just guessed it was either fangirl 56 or fangirl 107. Two blonde girls came in the room. So it was Lucy and fangirl 107, I mean Jenny (you remember her from Mira vs Jenny? I saw them kissing at the gmc arc. Not Mira and Jenny, pervs, Hibiki and Jenny.) Jenny immediately went to Hibiki to make out with him every five seconds. Natsu looked at the scene with disgust. He then turned towards what awaited him. Lucy placed a box on his table. "A get well soon present." She explained. Natsu would nod, if he could. Lucy decided to sit next to him on a chair. "Yeah, um sorry. I think I went a little overboard." She said. A little? Feeling the need to relinquish her guilt, she gave Natsu a hug. To bystanders, it would seem like they were doing... stuff. "You don't do THAT in hospitals!" Hibiki yelled. Jenny was muttering something about how she got the shameless spirit. Lucy pulled away from the hug. "We weren't." This just proves that the characters in the Fairy Tail universe also have dirty minds. She patted Natsu on the head. "You can stay at my apartment after this, for one day only though." She said. Natsu wondered when Lucy was ever this nice. Meanwhile, Lucy was still trying to get rid of her guilt. She decided to go with more hugs. Lucy smiled as she hugged Natsu. Then, Natsu came to a conclusion. He was surrounded by blondes. Everyone was blonde except for him. It was the blonde apocalypse. Lucy was being nice to him because she wanted him to join their cause and take over the world. She already had Erza and Gray to her side, even though they don't know it. She'll slowly gain control over them until they turn blonde. Lucy planned it all like this and, Hibiki wasn't really sick, was he? That's why he was surveying Natsu for information for the blonde alliance. They must have put a potion on the food that Natsu eats to make him answer. At the end of his very long (surprisingly ) train of thoughts, Natsu came to the conclusion that Laxus, Lucy, and Sting were all somhow siblings. When he snapped back into his thoughts, however, he noticed a sleeping Lucy hugging him close. Natsu decided to open the box. It was a glowing red pendant. 'Keep this close to your heart, and it'll show what you feel. You can hide it from others if you really want to.' Somehow, it looked like Igneel. After this, he came to one conclusion: Lucy was bipolar. As he fell asleep, one thought occured in his in head: when was the last time he ate? The nurse just realized something. "Wait a minute, everyone in this hospital is blonde except for him!" Hibiki and Jenny were still making out. At 3 am. In the middle of the night. Of the next day.


	31. Bad Habits

Pairings: find out!

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

1: picking on your nose.

Lucy watched as Natsu slowly picked on his nose. He pulled out a booger, and placed it on a tissue. He then did it again. Lucy looked down on the tissue with disgust. Then, she wondered something that's been bothering her out loud. "Wait a minute. Why am I even watching this?"

2: Stripping

Gray entered a fancy restraunt. Then he stripped. "Get out!" The butcher yelled from behind the kitchen. Everyone grabbed a weapon (knifes, forks, kids, anything.). "Law violater!" They all yelled. Poor Gray was still scarred after that incident. Where's Juvia when you need her? Yet he still strips.

3: biting one's lips

Lucy bit her lip. She was thinking about whether to buy the mackerel or tilapia. Or she could buy the salmon and work extra hard. She bit her lip harder. Maybe she should buy the Hilsha fish. Wait, why was she even buying fish? Happy would just eat them all. Lucy bit her lips even harder. "Lucy," Natsu said. "I think your lips are bleeding."

4: over protectiveness

As someone sat next to Erza, she smacked them on the face. "Sorry, instinct. Some random person was about to eat a cheesecake when... smack! "Sorry, instinct." Erza sat watching the horizon when a random person walked behind her. She kicked them where it hurts. "Sorry, instinct."

5: saying sorry

Wendy bumped into someone. "Sorry!" The person pitied her. "You don't have to say sorry." "Sorry!" "Can you please stop saying sorry?" Wendy tried to hold in her sorry. She walked to the guild. An angry Erza sat there. "Who ever ate my strawberry cheesecake will be skinned alive!" Wendy was unable to hold back her sorry. "Sorry!" "It was you?!" Erza yelled. Before Wendy could say anything, she was attacked. It took Chelia a lot of time to regrow all of Wendy's skin back. At least Porlyusica helped.


	32. Peter Pan

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

The Fairy Tail members set the stage. "Stupid brats, we have the cast!" Makarov declared. A chorus of "hey!" could be heard. "Wendy will be Wendy, Erza and Elfman will be the parents, Asuka will replace the younger brother, Romeo will be the older brother, Lucy will be Tinkerbell, Jet, Droy, Nab, Vijeeter, Max, Pantherlilly, and Happy will be the lost boys, Gajeel will be captain Hook, and Reedus will be Smee." A few of the members groaned at the role they had to play. Especially Lucy. Last time she remembered, Tinkerbell did not wear a skimpy bikini. "Wait a minute. Who's Peter Pan?" Asked a random person. Makorov just didn't know. "I should be peter pan because I'm young and hot!" Gray yelled. "No way! I look younger than ice freak over there!" "I believe I should do the role." Freed said formally. "Since when the hell did you act, Freed?" Laxus asked. "I don't see you look young over there." Freed retorted. "Burn!" Natsu yelled. Suddenly, the air rustled and everyone was wearing wearing scarves. "Daf*q!" Everyone except Natsu yelled. Yes, that includes Wendy. "I have auditioned." Zeref said. When he saw people reach for their scarves, he put a hand up to tighten them. "Those shall protect you from my curse." Zeref explained. Makarov's eyes lit up. "That's it! He's the perfect character! He looks young and never ages!" At the play. Every time someone came within a 2 mile radius of the guild, they were handed a scarf and told to wear it or die. Needless to say, the play was very awkward. Especially the fact that everyone had to wear scarves. Wearing a scarf and bikini looks weird.


	33. Edotail

Pairings: find out!

Rating: k+

Genre: Humor

This story takes place in Edolas.

Lucy Ashley strutted into the guild. "Guys, I've been thinking. So-" Levy cut her off. "Since when did you think, you sadistic excuse of a blonde?" Lucy glared at her. "I don't see you rocking the blue like I do!" Levy glared back. "Says the one who went skinny dipping on a MONDAY night!" "Atleast I have skin to dip." "Ya, to dip in sh*t!" "Those glasses are the color of hell. Where'd ya get it from, Elmo?" Somewhere in an alternative dimension: "So that's where Elmo's glasses went! Elmo had them specifically made from hellfire." Back in Edolas. Somehow, this all turned into a pose off. "You do realize there are guys in the guild, right?" A timid Natsu asked. "I don't give a f*ck about them!" Both girls yelled. They continued to pose in little coverage. Wendy flipped her hair. "Ugh, someone need to show them how to do it." Jet and Droy cheered for her in the background. "You go, Wendy baby, work that thing!" Cana covered her mouth. "Oh my! Well this is turning vulgar!" Mira agreed. "Back off, this is our battle!" Both girls yelled again. "And now they harmonize." Juvia muttered. "Juvia sama is so right!" Gray said. Suddenly, Nab came back from a job. He noticed what was going on. "A pose off, eh? What's even the point of showing off your things if you're never gonna use em?" Now, I have to say that was a perverted comment, but the girls thought it was a brilliant idea. "Gildarts, wish Levy luck! She gonna need it to even come close to me." Lucy said to her pink frog. "What's that supposed to mean? That the frog likes me better?" Levy asked. "Of course the frog likes you better. Better in hell." Lucy retorted. "I'll be the responsible one and explain the rules. Who ever can get a guy first wins and has to call the other senpai for a week." Levy said. Lucy growled. She grabbed Natsu. "You and me, buddy!" Natsu stuttered. It didn't help that some of the other members were glaring at him in jealousy. "Atleast I like someone with class!" Levy huffed. "How about S class?" Gajeel asked as his glasses flashed. "Ya know, you are kinda cute." Lucy said. Natsu expected pain. It didn't come. "Why didn't you hit me?" He asked. Lucy shrugged. "Just don't feel like it." They both smiled. Mean while, with Levy. "Levy senpai!" Some of the people yelled. "I don't like any of you. Let's just go, Gajeel". Later. Both girls ran to each other. "I win!" They yelled in harmony. "Idiots." Wendy muttered. "I win." They turned to her. "You don't count!" Thus, another pose off in scandalous undergarments began. Jellal walked to the guild. "We'd like to decree-" He stopped himself when he saw what was going on. When Jellal turned next to him, he saw Erza missing in her spot between Sugarboy and Hughes. When he turned around again, he saw her posing in her underwear. "I just cannot resist the competition!" Erza yelled. Jellal swore he heard Elmo laughing in the background. Levy never saw her glasses again.


	34. Literalism day

Pairings: find out!

Rating: k+

Genre: Humor

Beating the sh*t out of someone:

"Natsu, I'm gonna beat the sh*t out of you!" Gray yelled. "Like hell!" Natsu yelled back. 5 minutes later. "When will Nab finish using the bathroom?" Natsu asked impatiently.

Kissing and making up:

"Kiss and make up already!" Lucy yelled as a deathly aura surrounded her. It stopped when she noticed what they were doing. "I didn't mean it literally." "Gihihi. Salamander's gay." Gajeel snickered.

Hitting the hills:

"Let's say we ditch this joint and hit the hills." Cana said to Bacchus. They were suddenly teleported to some hills. "The hell?" Bachus asked as he started hitting the hills. Literally.

Kissing the chef:

"You could just kiss the chef!" Lucy said. Suddenly, everyone within the immediate area started kissing Lucy. "It was an expression!" Lucy yelled. She was ignored.

Top heavy:

"You want some?" Jenny asked. "F*ck you, top heavy." Sting retorted. Jenny fell to the ground. "So heavy!"

Going to hell:

"Go to hell! Lucy yelled as she kicked Natsu. He teleported to hell. "Wow, this place is amazing!" Natsu said as he saw crimson flames. "Elmo thinks so too." Needless to say, fifteen other people had to come just to force Natsu to get out of hell. He will miss Elmo. Elmo doesn't feel the same. Elmo never does.


	35. That girl is on fire

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

"I'm on fire!" Lucy yelled as she worked on her novel. Suddenly, noises could be heard outside her apartment. "Lucy's on fire. Let's all aim for the window. Natsu, you go inside and eat the fire." Juvia, Gray, and Wendy attacked the window with their magic. Natsu sprinted above. "Lu chan, don't worry. We'll save you. Solid script: fire extinguisher." Levy said. Nab controlled a sea serpent to attack the apartment with water. Erza used her sea empress armor. "Die, flames!" She yelled. Natsu fell asleep midway up the stairs. Suddenly, Juvia stopped. "Juvia thinks we flooded the house." Everyone stopped. "Nooo! Lucy!" A new barrage of attacks began. They attacked for days, and Lucy still didn't notice anything. She was too preoccupied with her novel. "We must go on!" Erza yelled as she started to fall asleep. Natsu woke up. "Luce!" He yelled as he ran up the stairs. Meanwhile, outside. "So hungry." Some of the members muttered. They looked at each other and wondered how flesh tastes like. Before anything else could be done however, yelling could be heard from above. "My apartment!" Vijeeter was never seen again.


	36. Halloween

Pairings: none

Rating: k+

Genre: Humor

Lucy didn't know what to feel. It was Halloween. It was scary. It was exciting. She put on her ghost costume. It was a simple white dress. She didn't have that much money. "Don't be that way, Lu chan! Let's all dress up in matching vampire outfits." Levy said. Lucy didn't know how such an innocent girl could be a vampire. Lucy shook her head. Levy pouted. "Atleast be a hot ghost!" That's how Lucy got a make over. "I look more like an angel than a ghost." Lucy said. "Then why not be an angel for Halloween?" Levy asked. Lucy sighed. She then got a brilliant idea. "Levy, why don't I do your make up?" Otps shall come true.

Natsu looked at his food. Then he ate it. "Dude." Gray said. "Aren't you gonna get in a costume or something?" Natsu stopped eating. "Free candy!" Gray and Gajeel wondered how he isn't fat. No one can train enough to get rid of it all. Then again, no one can eat that much. Both Gray and Gajeel wore were wolf costumes. Great minds think alike. "Just put on a d*mn dress, salamander!" Gajeel yelled. "I should put on a devil costume." Natsu said. Gray stared at him. "Why?" "Cause it's cool!" Of course that's why.

Juvia had the perfect costume. She went to the store. "Juvia would like to buy a Lamia pendant. One time use only." And so, she did. Ah, transformation magic.

When everyone entered the guild, they met up with each other. "The hell?" It was chaos. "No, I thought I was supposed to be the demon!" Natsu yelled in frustration. "I'm a vampire." Levy said. "Who the hell wears an angel costume on Halloween?" Gajeel asked. Everyone rubbed their eyes. "Is it just me or is she glowing? I didn't see that flying halo before. Or the wings. And who ever is playing that music in the background better stop." "Sorry brats, that's my new ringtone." Makarov said. Everyone stared at him in confusion. "I forgot that in this fanfiction, there aren't supposed to be phones." No one had any idea what he was talking about. "I am Lucy Heartfilia, descendant of Anna Heartfilia. My magic, celestial magic, is magic of the stars and heavens above." Lucy's eyes glowed yellow. Now people were creeped out. 500 miles away. Mavis slapped Zeref on the face. "Stop that!" To a bystander, it would look like the dark mage Zeref got b*tch slapped by the air. "Juvia has arrived!" Juvia said as she burst the door open. "Transformation, Lamia!" Everyone shrieked. Juvia looked like the girl that haunted everyone's nightmares: the little mermaid. "Was it something Juvia said?" Lucy pointed at Natsu. "What are you supposed to be?" "E.N.D." Poor child. If only he knew he WAS E.N.D. "Gray sama, your clothes!" Gray was horrified. He thought today was the day he wouldn't strip. Turns out he was wrong. The problem is that he wore his favorite boxers. My little pony boxers. "Gaaah!" "Well, this is all very awkward." Levy said, ignoring the fact that Gray was screaming like a girl in the background. "No, no,no! Gajeel and Levy chan were supposed to see each other, think the other is hot, and start kissing!" Lucy yelled, throwing a fit. Jet and Droy were crying in the background. Another one in the dark side. "Since when were you Mirajane?" Natsu asked. "Juvia doesn't know how to change back into a human!" Juvia cried. "How is Juvia supposed to do stuff with Gray sama?" Gray grimaced at that. "Wait a minute. Has anyone seen Erza?" The guild doors burst open. "I have come." Erza was wearing some red furry thingy. "Erza! What type of costume is that?" In Elmo's world. The Sesame street camera rolled in on Elmo's world. They didn't know the horror that awaited them. "Elmo feels naked!" Elmo cried. All the children shrieked.


	37. Apartment troubles

Pairings: Lucy × Elmo (if you see it that way.)

Rating: k+

Genre: Humor

Lucy slept peacefully in her apartment. She smiled in her sleep. It must have been a good dream. Natsu watched her from the window, content. He opened up the window. Time to destroy Lucy's perfect morning. When he jumped in, however, he was hit by a broom. "No one can be in Lucy's apartment except Elmo!" Elmo yelled. "Nuh ah! I'm her best friend, so I should be allowed in. You're a stranger!" Natsu retorted. "Elmo claim dibs!" Elmo said. "No dibsies!" Natsu said. "Elmo does what Elmo wants." "Natsu want Elmo to go f*ck himself." Elmo gasped. "Oh no Natsu didn't! Elmo knows little kids are reading this, so Elmo has the decency not to curse." "Everyone's more decent then you. You're just saying that because you don't know any curse words." "Elmo's only 27549363857 years old!" Elmo cried. "At least Elmo knows one curse word. Hmm, what was it again? Fug? Author is not censoring it so it can't be a curse word." El*o said. "Oh no! Elmo is a curse word!" He was ignored as Natsu peacefully crept up next to Lucy and fell asleep. He was then hit again with the broom. "Out! Only Elmo! Only Elmo!" "Fight me then. If I can't come in here then I can't read Lucy's novel." "Elmo thinks Natsu only come in to raid Lucy's fridge and underwear drawer." "How can those things be so skimpy?" "Elmo feels you. Elmo tried them on." When Lucy woke up, she saw Natsu and Elmo hugging each other and asleep. On her bed. On HER bed! Lucy pulled a broom out from her cleavage. "Get out!" Elmo and Natsu recovered at Porlyusica's. Porlyusica took a liking to this 'Elmo' creature. Humans should be more like it.


	38. Kicking Natsu

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

Everyone wanted to kick Natsu. Everyone had their reasons. Even sweet little Wendy. They all found a method to kick him. Every single one of them. It felt good to kick him. Really good. These are just some of the kickings Natsu had received.

Gray:

Gray likes to fight Natsu on a regular basis. Of course he'd do this. Natsu was standing at a cliff. "Look, a dragon!" Gray yelled as he pointed ahead. "Where?" Natsu was kicked off the cliff. Gray laughed maniacally as he watched Natsu fall. No one noticed Acnologia.

Erza:

Natsu destroys Erza's cake on a regular basis. Erza believe Natsu should be destroyed as well, but Makarov forbade her from it. That doesn't mean she can't do what she was about to do now. "Look, a ninja." Natsu looked. Erza kicked him of the cliff. She requiped into heaven's wheel armor and sent many many swords raining down on him. She watched as he shrieked in pain, satified. For now.

Wendy:

Wendy hated it when a chair fell on her. And being the Butt of a joke. She decided on revenge. Mwa ha ha ha ha! "Look, Natsu san! Lucy and Gray are doing stuff!" Natsu's fist lit up as he turned to look at the spot. Wendy kicked him. Nothing happened. Wendy kicked him where it hurt and blasted him with air magic. Natsu went tumbling down the cliff. "Sorry, that was a lie!"

Happy:

How dare Natsu eat all the fish! He will pay. "Lots and lots of food!" Kick! Happy somehow managed to kick Natsu off a cliff.

Charles:

Any one who hurts Wendy is an enemy. This means war! (This incident is too violent to be placed in the fanfiction. Just know that a lot of kicking and scratching were involved.)

Lucy:

Lucy walked in her apartment. She kicks Natsu the most. When she saw Natsu sleeping peacefully in her apartment, she stopped. 'Poor guy. He must have gone through a lot. Maybe this time, he can stay.' "You're making a creepy face. It's scaring me!" Natsu, who had just woken up, yelled. Lucy kicked him so hard, he flew out the apartment, over the cliff, and into the crevice. Lucy smiled in satisfaction. She high fived Acnologia. "You go buddy!" Acnologia went to make Natsu's life hell for not noticing him. He didn't know Gray didn't either.


	39. Mystgun and friends

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

Mystgun walked down the streets of the royal capital. He wasn't Mystgun no more. Now he was Jellal Mystgun Faust. He betted Hiro Mashima was itching to kick him out the manga. As Jellal walked, he noticed a child watching something. He looked and saw something. "I hug you, you hug me, we hug each other like family." He got a brilliant idea. Jellal ran to the castle. There, he called upon Byro, Hughes, Sugarboy, and Erza. They all sat in front of the chambers. "You have yet to execute us. I assume you are to do it now?" Erza asked. Jellal shook his head. "Like hell. I just got the most brilliant idea ever." "Last time you did, you disappeared at the age of 10." Hughes pointed out. "I'm sure nothing bad shall happen. I hope." Jellal added that last part quietly. He pointed at Byro. "Can you try to find a way to record?" Byro immediately set to work. "The rest of us must act!" Jellal yelled. He pulled out costumes from no where. "D*mn this thing to hell!" Hughes yelled. His costume was super itchy. "You must all now address me as Barney." Jellal said. Erza was fearful to get on the set. After the recording. Jellal smiled proudly. "I'm sure children around the world are happy." Children around the world cried tears of horror. "That's why you should watch Elmo." Red could be seen every where.


	40. Lucy and Levy watch tv 5

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

The two girls settled down for popcorn. Today, they were going to have a watch a thon. Yep, locking themselves in Lucy's apartment for 24 hours watching tv nonstop. It was a tribute to television for being so awesome. And because tv was addicting. Meanwhile, Natsu, Gajeel, and Elmo were watching from the window. "Why the hell are you here?" Gajeel asked Elmo. "Elmo is bored." They watched the girls turn on tv. "Our faces are in this show!" Levy yelled. The three fell in through the window and watched from under the bed. Neither girls noticed. "Wait, Juvia was using potions on Gray?" Levy asked. "Obviously, they don't work." Lucy said. They looked at the screen. 'Special request: watch out for the guy you like. Lucy lay her head down.' As Levy and Lucy watched the scene, they laughed at Natsu's stupidity. Lucy then stopped laughing when she remembered this incident. "Levy chan, switch the channel!" Lucy yelled with a tomato red face. Levy guarded the remote. "Never!" They continued watching. "You poor thing." Levy said as she watched Lucy and her fantasies. Meanwhile. "Gihihihihihihihi." Gajeel laughed. Somehow, the girls still didn't notice. "The hell did she think I was gonna ask her out? She'd probably kick me. That must be why she kicked me." Gajeel laughed at Natsu's stupidity. "Elmo thinks Natsu is a retard." Gajeel has invited Elmo to the 'Natsu sucks' club. Elmo accepts. Gray welcomes Elmo. Back to the girls. "You did a pose off, Levy chan?" Lucy laughed. A light gihihi went unnoticed by the girls. "It was the potion's fault!" Levy yelled. Lucy died from laughter, so Levy ressuructed her with shock therapy. "Kicked." Both girls winced. They watched the ending. "It's an endless cycle?" Lucy asked. "Two dilemmas connect as one as Gray is a victim to both." Levy said. The girls went to get more popcorn. Elmo poped up. "Elmo knows perfect channel!" When the girls came back, they tried to change the channel from sesame street. They were failing miserably.


	41. Alice in wonderland

Pairings: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

Lucy was talking about books with Levy. Simple, right? She didn't know how wrong she was. Levy showed Lucy a book and she started reading it. "The hell, Levy chan? I already read this book!" Lucy said. Levy shrugged. "Do you know what this is?" She asked. Lucy shook her head. Levy pointed at the back of the book. 'Warning: do not read until you are prepared. Only the chosen one is able to read this.' "Levy chan?" Lucy asked. "Did you read this?" Levy nodded. "All it said was 'why you all up in my face, gurl? You an' I both know you ain't the chosen one.'" Slowly, Lucy read the text. 'Oh chosen one, you must feel the story to enjoy it.' She blinked. And then fell down a hole. "Aaaaah!" Lucy yelled. When she fell, Charles caught her. "Be careful, child!" She said. "Charles, thank goodness!" Lucy sighed. Charles blinked. "How do you know of me? Most know me by the name Chesire cat." It was Lucy's turn to blink. "Wait, so you forgot me?" Just then, Gajeel and Gray burst in through the wall. "We're the twins tweedle dee and tweedle dum!" "Gray! Gajeel!" Both boys shrieked. "She knows our secret name!" They yelled as they ran off. Juvia and Levy, who came out of nowhere, sighed. "Boys!" Lucy looked between the two. "I just wanna go home!" She cried. "We're pansy flowers. What flower are you?" Levy asked. "A human." "Well, human." Levy said. "Rumor has it that the mad hatter knows how to take you home." Charles led her the way. "Inside that room lies the mad hatter. People are fearful of the insanity that he is. I dare not go in." She said. Lucy had a feeling she knew who it is. "Natsu Dragneel." Lucy said. A red furry... indescribable animate object popped it's head up. "Elmo isn't Natsu, Elmo is Elmo." Lucy shrieked. Suddenly, pink hair could be seen. "This is supposed to be something Lucy wears!" Natsu yelled. "Natsu is Elmo's rabbit, but Natsu doesn't look like a rabbit!" Elmo retorted. "You remember me!" Lucy cheered. "Who the hell doesn't?" Natsu asked. Erza suddenly came in. "Off with your heads! One of you ate my cheesecake!" She yelled. "Oh, so that's what it was." Natsu said. Erza whipped out a phone. "Jellal, get you lazy fat butt over here! I don't even know how you have so much muscles if you don't exercise. Well atleast I exercise the cheesecake off! Fine, then I'll train you!" Erza turned off the phone. "Great, now you called Jellal." Lucy said. "That was just voice mail." Erza replied. "Ya, no, I need to pester Gray, so..." Natsu snapped his finger. "The hell are we back in the real world?" Lucy asked. Natsu shrugged. "I have no idea!" He said positively.


	42. Gifts

Pairing: none

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

Everyone watched the guild doors for no apparent reason. They expected something. Something horrible. Something aweful. For some apparent reason, they felt as if a horrendous event was about to occur. So they kept watching the door. Suddenly, the door was kicked open. It hit Natsu and sent him flying into the walls. Everyone appeared horrified, except for Mira. She kept smiling like she always does. Lucy, the one who kicked the door down, didn't notice. "I have Christmas presents~!" She yelled. Lucy grabbed Natsu and sat him on a chair. She then placed some delicous looking food on his lap. The other members drooled at the food. Natsu quickly gobbled it up. He threw it up. After that, he kept barfing his insides out and swore to never eat food again. Lucy didn't notice. "Gray, I got you new clothes!" Lucy yelled as she tossed him a set of clothes. Gray put them on. And couldn't take them off. "I can't feel my skin!" He yelled as he ran around and wished that he never got a stripping habit. Lucy still didn't notice. "Now Erza, use this when someone goes near your cake." Lucy handed her a taser, and when she took it, Erza fainted. Erza's last thought was 'I shall never inflict pain upon someone again. Lucy threw two books at Wendy and Levy. As Wendy read her book, her innocence slowly drained. Levy shut her book midway and went to go sulk in a corner muttering about how life has no meaning anymore. "Cheers!" Lucy yelled as she walked out the guild. "Wait, what about us?" The rest of the guild asked at once. Lucy blinked. "Who are you guys again?" The rest of the guild went to sulk in a corner with Levy. Lucy slowly turned around. "Oh, I almost forgot!" The rest of the guild started cheering. "I knew you wouldn't forget us!" Lucy walked up to Makarov. "This is for you!" A red doll could be seen in the box. As Lucy walked out of the guild, loud shrieks could be heard all the way to Alvarez. Lucy didn't notice.


	43. Anaconda

Pairings: find out!

Rating: T

Genre: Humor, Horror

Old Maky needed to pay the bills and he realized he had some hot little numbers at his guild, so he decided to make them naughty. Most of you may be going like "He turned Fairy Tail into a pr*stituition?" No, he did something worse. Much worse. "Brats, look at what you've done!" Makarov yelled. "I don't have money to deal with this!" The girls all nodded simultaneously. "We'll do whatever it takes to earn enough money." Makarov sighed. "I have an idea, but you won't like it." For some reason, the girls liked it but the boys didn't. "Mah anaconda don't, mah anaconda don't, mah anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun!" (Anaconda). The boys all sulked in a corner as they watched the display. Natsu didn't even know what half of it meant. Just then, Happy flew in. "Scandalous, Charles! And in human form too!" Happy went to go sulk with the rest of them, thinking she was doing this for Pantherlilly. Finally, the boys devised a plan. "We can't have the girls do something so... yeah. Think about all the perverts!" Some random guy yelled. "Aren't you all perverts?" Happy asked. Everyone looked at Natsu. "Don't try to deny it, Natsu. Even if you don't know what any of that stuff means Elfman and Erza still had to hold you back from trying to see Lucy in the shower." Elfman nodded. "So that's what pervert means!" Natsu exclaimed. They decided to go through with the plan. One by one, the girls disappeared. One by one, a boy was in their place. "How the hell does shrimp wear this thing?" Gajeel asked as he tugged a bikini. Natsu shrugged. "Lucy's maid outfit fits me." He was stared at. "I collect everything from every adventure I have ever had." People shrugged it off. Suddenly, the closet was kicked open. "Perverts!" The girls all yelled. When the hospital saw all the patients, the doctors started yelling. "I can't deal with this!" "But Elmo can!"


	44. High charade

Pairings: the cannon 4

Rating: T for implied... stuff

Genre: romance

Most of you must be going like "Oh, the girls get drunk and otps come true!" Puhleaze, people. That wouldn't happen in a million years. The boys are obviously scared of the drunk girls, and the only thing they have on their mind is escape. What happens, however, if Mira got Cana into the matchmaker business? Dirty horrors. One day, Mira sat there staring at the counter and thinking about her matchmaker plans. Cana sat next to her. "Ugh, I need an otp plan!" Both yelled simultaneously. Cana wanted to see dirty action, and Mira wanted to see kawaii action. "Let's make a plan together." Mira suggested. Cana agreed. At the end, they came up with the most so called brilliant and super overclichified plan ever. Mira went in she devil form and Cana prepared her cards. There goes the rest of the members. The targets didn't even notice that all exits from the guild were closed. Lucy, first victim, and Levy, second victim. "Have you seen Erza?" Lucy asked. Mira smiled innocently. She had her Jerza plans. "No, but maybe a drink will cheer you up?" She gave them lemonade, which Cana spiked. They shrugged. "Okay!" Victims. They have succumbed to the horror. Mira pressed a button and down they went. "Aww, who'll pet me now?" Lucy asked. Levy laughed. "Mira's face!" She yelled. Mira smiled victoriously. "Juvia~." Mira called. Usually, Juvia was all over Gray, but one swig and she's depressed. Mira offered her lemonade as well. Knowing that Juvia was the nice person she is and refusing Mira's drink would cause her to be sad, Juvia drank it. Another one bites the dust. Next part was easy. It's time. Natsu ran to the bar. "Sooo hungry!" He yelled. "I bet Gajeel and Gray would lose against you in an eating competition." Mira complimented. Bingo. Bada bing, bada boom. Bada bam! Down the hole they went. She pulled out a remote, activated the camera, and watched from above with Cana. "I will defeat every single one of you!" Natsu yelled at the top of his lungs. He was ignored. Gajeel looked at a mirror in shame. "I have black mail material!" Cana said. It didn't help that Levy was laughing at him. Gray and Juvia clutched each other as they watched a box. "That box is so sad!" Juvia cried. "It's scary. I swear I saw it move." Gray said in fear. Lucy sulked in a corner. "Nobody likes me." She said. Natsu looked back at her. "Hey, they ignored you too! Maybe something happened to them all." Dumbest possible reason ever. "You're right!" No Lucy. What have you become. "Pet me, everyone!" Lucy cried. Finally, people stared. "See, the spell broke because everyone wanted to pet me so bad!" Lucy said. Natsu's fist glowed. "I said I'll fight everyone and I will!" He yelled. Lucy cheered in the background. "Go achieve your dreams, Natsu!" She yelled. Juvia and Gray hugged tighter, both fearful of being incinerated. Well, actually one feeling sad of being incinerated somehow. "I'm the only one who's actually going to remember this!" Levy said cheerfully. 5 minutes later. A totally creamed Natsu got up. "You still haven't fought me!" Lucy yelled. "And I won't." Natsu said. Lucy turned her head. "Since you don't consider me as a person, I'll not let you pet me!" She yelled. "I never said that." Natsu said dumbfounded. Levy's laughing could be heard in the background. As could many many iron swords. And a loud feminine shriek. One from a boy. Lucy curled up into a ball and fell asleep. Juvia cried about how poor Lucy was insulted while Gray watched the ball in fear. Circles can do anything. Natsu reached up to pat her, shrugged, and then walked away. What he didn't notice was Lucy hissing and baring fangs at him. Mira shook her head. "No! Nothing is happening! " she yelled. Cana smirked. "I have a back up plan." She pressed a hidden switch on a hidden card on a hidden deck. The designated targets were locked up. Juvia somehow managed to cry more. Cana then sprayed something labeled 'pepper spray' all over the victims. Mira guessed it was not pepper spray. Mira and Cana watched the entertainment from above. What they didn't notice was that Wendy and Romeo watched as well, horrified as their innocence drained by the second. Happy and Charles also watched the horror from the basement. Nobody knows what they were doing in the basement. The next day, the spray wore off. Levy woke up with a blush adorning her cheeks. "Well, I didn't mind that much." She whispered to herself. She didn't know Gajeel was fake sleeping. Gray and Juvia both got up, looked at the scene, and fainted. Lucy, on the other hand, didn't really seem like a morning person. "If you invaded by bed again, Natsu, I swear I'll kill you!" She hollored at the top of her lung. "But Lushy, it's so comfy!" Natsu automatically responded in his sleep. "Lemme out!" She yelled as she slowly opened her eyes. And then gasped at the scene in horror. "What the hell?" She asked. Lucy looked down at herself. "Aaaarggh! Darn it, I never really noticed because Natsu is like a freaking parka but why in the world am I wearing this?" Cana was laughing from above. Oh the things she saw. What did you think was in the bottle? An angry Lucy who was desperate to reach her clothing attempted to run to her apartment in one flash. She was pulled back by an arm wrapped around her. Lucy grabbed a pair of scissors. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Suddenly, Natsu woke up and shrieked in horror at the scene before him. And by that I mean Lucy holding up scissors. He was soon pulled into a hug. A choking attempt for revenge, right? Lucy then placed a small kiss on his mouth before looking away in embarrassment. Most of you must be like: Oh no! Lucy's gonna eat him! Instead, he got a warm fuzzy feeling. A feeling that urged him to return the kiss. Just as Lucy reached her clothes, she was scooped up. She muttered obscenities under her breath. So close to the clothes! Soon, the clothes were forgotten. A weary and embarrassed Lucy slowly opened her mouth. Natsu bravely dashed his tongue in. After a while, Lucy, who enjoyed the feeling, smiled. Both pulled away to take a breath. They had forgotten everyone can see them. Juvia stared in shock. "Lucy isn't love rival!" Levy put down her lacrima recorder. "Finally, Lu chan!" She said in exasperation. "How does he know how to kiss?" Gajeel ask. "Forget that, how does he know about gender?" Gray asked. "Another one, tainted." Happy muttered. Charles rambled on and on about... something. No one from above were surprised. Not after seeing Erza and Jellal suck face for 29 minutes straight. How did they go that long without air?


	45. Parkas

Pairings: mwahaha

Rating: k

Genre: Humor

Natsu looked at a parka. "What's a parka?" He asked the parka. "I am." The parka somehow answered. "So Lucy said I'm like you?" He asked the parka. "Indeed." The parka replied. Natsu went to run off into the guild. There, he saw Lucy in a parka. A red faced Lucy in a golden glowing parka. "You're going to end up like them!" Levy laughed as she pointed to Erza and Jellal, who went without air for atleast a week. Meredy and the rest of Crime Sorciere watched from the window with utmost horror. They haven't moved for atleast a week. Levy meant it as a joke for the whole 'stuck in basement' incident. Natsu missinturpretted the situation. He ran to the parka and ripped it off. "I thought you were my friend!" He cried to the parka while Lucy shrieked in horror in the background. "Let's fight for her!" He yelled at the parka as they immediately started to butt heads. The parka was somehow winning. Levy snickered in the background. "Who do you choose, Lucy? Natsu or the parka?" Both turned their head to listen to her answer. "Natsu I will rip you to tiny..." Natsu droned her out as he observed her. He glared at her clothing. The evil love rivals that get to cuddle with her. Not for long! Lucy shrieked even more as she watched her clothes get shredded to pieces. "Pervert!" She yelled. Levy wiggled her eyebrows. "Oh, Lu chan. I think he wants to take you to the next step!" She teased. It was a joke. A joke that caused Lucy to shriek way more. "I didn't know we were a thing!" She yelled. Natsu realized something. The air was hugging her. Not if he can help it! Soon, Natsu was on top of Lucy. "What is this madness?" Lucy asked. "I should be asking you that!" Carla, who had just came in the guild, said. "Seriously, there are kids here!" She yelled. Wendy and Romeo looked guiltily at one another. Not anymore. Asuka just smirked. Natsu realized he was in a parka. "The hell was I wearing this?" He asked, ripping off the parka. "Should I be the the one to spoil Natsu's innocence or should you be?" Lissana asked. "Juvia doesn't wanna go through birds and bees explanation." Juvia cried. "Unless it's with Gray sama!" She said cheerfully. "I don't really know why you guys are freaking out." Cana said with a bored look. "I mean, he's basically half naked the whole time." Gray fought the parka because it 'looks like Natsu'. Lucy was now crying on the floor. "Woe is be me!" She yelled, sure the world is ending. "We're all gonna die. Natsu behaving like this is a warning from the stars!" Then, she got a brilliant idea. "Oh everyone!" She yelled in a seductive voice. Natsu immediately attacked everyone. Lucy walked away humming to herself and leaving the guild to fend for themselves. She tied together some stray fabric and put on a parka she found on the streets. It was red and furry. She felt like she was being watched.


	46. Mating Season

Pairings: Natsu X Lucy, Gajeel X Levy, Romeo X Wendy X Mest, implied Max X Broom

Genre: Humor, Romance

Rating: T

"Save yourselves! Save the children! Save yourselves and the children!" Erza yelled. Natsu, Wendy, and Gajeel lay locked up in the center of the guild, trying to escape from their prisons. "I must know! I must know how a dragon slayer in heat behaves!" Mest yelled. Romeo stared at him incredulously. "How do you function?" "Someone, help! Erza and Jellal are still making out and it's getting the slayers turned on." Lissana yelled. "If there all different ages, why did they start on the same day?" Lucy asked. "Because Wendys flat and Gajeel's piercings scared mating season." Levy explained. "Oh no! Their out!" Lissana gasped. "Darn, I was hoping they wouldn't hit on us until the third day." Lucy sighed. Levy raised a brow. "Didn't you know they hit on everyone except their mates? It makes their mates jealous and if they forced themselves on their mates, the mates wouldn't want to mate." "So that's why Natsu's hugging a broom!" Lucy exclaimed, watching Max cry. "Soon. We shall see if Wendy is mine or yours." Romeo said to Mest. At that exact time, Mira locked the slayers up again. Laxus face palmed. "This is an embarrassment to dragon slayers."


	47. Elfman Can't Go To A Women's Right March

Pairings: Elfman X Hospitalization...?

Genre: Humor

Rating: K

Elfman stood there in his cheerleader outfit next to Mira, waiting for Lissana to march with the girls. When they did, he cheered loudly.

"Yay! That's manly!"

The march immediately froze and glared at him.

"Elfman," Mira said slowly, "You're screwed." Elfman was hospitalized for a week.


	48. Senpais

Pairings: Find out!

Genre: Humor

Rating: T

 **Laxus**

Laxus groaned as the electricity short circuited. He zapped the wires and the electricity returned. Freed, who came out of nowhere, latched onto Laxus's legs.

"Teach me your ways, senpai!"

 **Wendy**

"Wendy senpai!" yelled the kids from the orphanage.

Oh no. Wendy was trapped. Surrounded. Imprisoned. There was no escape from the evil, demonic little children. She was doomed.

 **Cake**

"All hail senpai!" Erza yelled, bowing to a slice of strawberry cake. She received enstranged looks from passing civilians, but when they saw her emblem, they shrugged it off.

 **Gray**

"Gray is now senpai," Juvia declared.

"Wait, what?" Rufus snatched Gray.

"Gray is _my_ senpai."

"Juvia's!" Lyon snatched Juvia.

"Senpai!" Chelia snatched Lyon.

"My senpai." Meredy walked by.

"On second thoughts, I'll have two senpais," Lyon muttered dreamily. Chelia stomped away in disgust.

"Wait a minute, I have one question," yelled Gray amongst the chaos. "What the hell is a senpai?"

Everyone froze.

"Ur sama is now senpai!" Juvia declared as everyone but Gray cheered in agreement. Ur smiled.

"Wait a minute..." Gray thought out loud. "Isn't Ur supposed to be dead?"

Deliora patted his shoulder.

"Nah, bro. This is the world of fan fiction and ooc. Anything's possible!"

 **Erza**

What Erza sees:

"Erza is senpai!" Kagura yelled, striking a sword at Milliana.

"Yeah, _my_ senpai!" Milliana retorted, shooting tendrils at Minerva.

"As if! I'm not sharing my senpai with any of you!" Minerva exclaimed, aiming a bubble at Kagura.

What is actually happening:

"Give the cat back and no one gets hurt," Minerva threatened. Minerva clutched Frosch tightly with an unrelenting grip.

"Don't talk that way to my sister!" Kagura yelled.

"Thank you for defending me, Kagura nee," Milliana said.

"I was talking about Frosch."

 **Gajeel**

"Notice me, senpai!" Rogue silently cried from behind a bush. Gajeel thought he faintly heard something but shrugged it off. Must be a fly buzzing in his ear.

 **Natsu**

"Listen up, kohais! Today you will learn to show the great Dragneel respect!: Natsu exclaimed to his so-called 'kohais.' He stared at a growling Gajeel. a deadly calm Gray, a ticked off Loke, a fuming Lucy, and a way too cheery Romeo.

"You interrupted my reading time for this?!" Lucy yelled as she threw a book at his face. Gajeel pounded a nearby table.

"Ya know, salamander, this table is for all the torture you inflicted on me." Gray broke into hysterical laughter.

"You seriously tried to boost your nonexistent self esteem?" He laughed so hard he doubled over and fainted.

Slowly, Loke walked up to Natsu, punched him in the face, and then disappeared into the spirit realm. Staring at the ever-so cheery Romeo, Natsu felt a sense of uneasiness in his gut.

"All hail senpai!"yelled Romeo as he surrounded Natsu in statues of himself (Natsu). Natsu was panting due to lack of oxygen and his last wish was that his kohais would stop being yanderes. No one really did know where Romeo's statues came from.


End file.
